For the third time in 18 months (let me repeat that: third time in 18 months) I'm moving. For many reasons this doesn't exactly fill me with joy and whooping (moving is getting old, or rather the bit that comes after you first move when you're not settled and your life is in boxes and you don't know the secret-quick-route to anywhere - that is the bit that is getting old). But there is at least the added comedy factor of how people advertise their flats. And because I like a list here's a list of ways to not make me want to rent your property:
1. Lack of photos. We are in the age of not only digital cameras but phones with cameras and scanners and paper and felt tip pens and c'mon it's not that difficult.
2. Worse than no photos? Lots of photos but none of which are of the bedroom. It's nice and informative that you're showing me the front of the house and the kitchen and the garden and the bush in the back garden and the front gate and that really hideous cushion you have in your living room but I think we're missing something here. Like the room that is one of the things that will make or break this relationship. No photos of the bedroom just makes me think that the room is actually the cupboard under the stairs or a hole in the floor or has wooden decking along the wall.
3. Worse even that no photos or lots of not very useful photos? When you show one photo and this is of the toilet. With the toilet seat UP. Who chooses a flat this way? And, more importantly, who thinks this is a good form of advertising?
4. Typos happen. Spelling can go wonky. Grammar rules can be confusing. I know, comiserate and nod my head to all of this but in an advertisement? When you can't even spell 'double' (or, rather, be bothered to stick the advert through spell-check first) and you get its and it's wrong - yes, I am judging you.
5. Google maps is a wonderful tool. Use it.
6. But worse than not using google maps? Pretending your flat is somewhere it is not. Yes, I know it may be close but when you say East Dulwich or Greenwich and I look on the map and (knowing South London as I now do) see that your flat is actually in Peckham or Lewisham I will tut at you. I know there are perks about living near to (but not actually inside) a desirable area so don't lie.