Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Things I Learnt In Blackpool

Things I Learnt In Blackpool

1. In late April it would seem that most of Blackpool is still closed. This includes large swathes of the front and all three of the piers.

2. Maybe related to the above there is not an awful lot to do in Blackpool. An hour into our stay - when we had wandered the entire not-so-golden mile - my biggest excitement had been seeing the arcade that was used in the tv series Blackpool. And maybe the Doctor Who exhibit (I didn't go in, not just because Dean wouldn't let me, but because I've been to the one in Cardiff and you are not telling me that Blackpool can rival the place where the show is actually filmed. They would never be able to beat David Tennant's pjs for starters).

3. The sun may shine but, heck, there is wind. And just when you think there could not possibly be any more - there it goes, leaving you clinging to a lamp post and your beret swimming in the sea.

4. Blackpool makes out it is all walker friendly - it is not. There are literally hundreds of roads and I would say that where I to put a percentage on the number that have any type of proper non-safely-dangerously crossing then it would linger around o.1%. I often think I am going to die when crossing roads anyway, I do not need the added pressure.

5. There is a lot of sea. What there does not seem to be much of is beach. Until, of course, the morning we were to leave and then there was beach ahoy. I respect that this may not entirely be Blackpool's fault, with tides and whatnot, but it does leave me somewhat unimpressed when I would quite happily have made a sandcastle or seven.

6. Most coastal, tourist (dare I say it) resorts sell things like rock and postcards and random pieces of tack in their shops. You can find wonderful, wonderful things you never knew you didn't need, often for the price of the change in the bottom of your bag. Blackpool managed to pass the rock test but got stuck with the rest of this category. Because, for reasons I can guess but wouldn't really like to elaborate on, these shops - frequented by lots of children in the summer I would imagine - find it perfectly acceptable to be Ann Summers without the subtlety. Yes, we found the naked man playing cards rather funny. No, the shocking pink sex aids didn't have quite so high comedy value. And when Dean holds up some plastic contraption and utters the sentence "What do you do with this?" you know that you are in a very dodgy area indeed. Dean found it amusing to suggest that I buy History Boy something from this section. I refused and bought him the possibly equally Freudian gift of rock with his name* on it instead.

7. Related to the above it is gratifying to know that all those women who fought (and indeed still fight) for equal rights did so just so that groups of girls could buy hats and sashes with the phrase "Slappers on Tour" on them. Not. Impressed.

8. Conversely I do rather like having a B&B to myself. Especially when it has a bar with a bell.

9. I do not like venues who take your entire ticket because they cannot be bothered to go through the process of ripping them. Everyone likes a ticket. Those of us with obsessive compulsive hoarding tendencies more so than others.

10. Neither do I like the fact that the only open fish and chip shop in Blackpool after 6.00pm turned out to be a Harry Ramsdens. I come from Leeds, damn it. If I wanted Harry Ramsdens I could go to the original Harry Ramsdens. If I want seaside fish and chips I don't want a chain with Burger King style orders. This curious lack of anything being open also led to the fact that I didn't get hot doughnuts whilst I was in Blackpool. Because, obviously, Harry Ramsdens don't do those.

*Sadly not 'History Boy' - though they really, really should start doing rock with that on because I'd have bought more than one stick - but his proper, actual name. Because, though I sometimes forget, he does have one.

1 comment:

Val said...

Ah, Blackpool! Cat and I could have told you about 1., as everything was still shut when we went for JCS in late May, and also about the wind (and, in our case, rain) and the fact that you cannot get food late at night, other than a midnight curry (which was pretty good, tho).

It's really not Scarborough, is it?!