Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I'm Not Sure This Is What They Had In Mind When They Hired Me

I'm Not Sure This Is What They Had In Mind When They Hired Me

I open the money box to check how much merchandise we've sold prior to the show, pulling out the stock sheet.

I glance down the neat markings until I get to the pre-show total. It's not exactly stellar. Written next to it, however, is "I am a Commercial Genius".

I giggle, possibly rather inappropriately given that I am all grown up and serious at work and this does not include laughing at History Boy. Rather more inappropriately I also giggle because it triggers one of those random memory awakening situations about a response to the phrase "Comedy Genius". It is probably safe to say that if I wrote that response on the sheet the only thing I would be gaining would be my P45.

"The WYP's future is clearly safe. Carry on at this rate and you might even manage to cover your wage".

Post interval the sheet comes back to me.

"I'm actually tripling the price of everything and then pocketing the difference so you don't need to worry about me".

More. Inappropriate. Giggling.

When everything's checked the float is 10p up.

"In that case it was nice of you to pass on 10p of your ill-gotten gains to me. I won't spend it all at once".

When the show's out and the only people left are those in the bar, History Boy pops into the office to hand back the merchandise keys and because we are so not talking about this neither of us allude to anything before he says goodnight.

I open the stock sheet.

"Actually these numbers have no relation to what I've sold, I'm just making them up at the end".

I smile and get on with the mini-mountain of post show work. It's only when I'm tidying up that it suddenly occurs to me that there might be a little problem.

I have to file the bloody thing.

As I see it I have four options:

1. Tippex the entire right side of the stock sheet. Whilst this would remove evidence of non-serious fraud jokes and semi-serious flirting allegations I need to face that this would look dodgy. And that's before I even consider the fact that I don't even know if we have tippex.

2. Accidentally lose the sheet, I don't know, in the bin for example. Looks less dodgy than the tippex it has to be said. But also looks careless. I am not careless. I am clearly just stupid.

3. Do another stock take sheet. Neither dodgy nor careless, but rather a lot of effort. It's almost 11:00pm, I've been in the theatre since 8.50am and, here's the crux of it, I can't be bothered.

4. File it and pray no one looks at it. Ever.

Because I am honest I go for 4. I'm doomed.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Next time leave your comments on post-its? (God, I'm so devious!)