Wednesday, September 06, 2006

There's A Lot To Be Said For Big Knickers

There's A Lot To Be Said For Big Knickers

"What kind of knickers do chavs wear?"

I pinch myself. Yes, that question has just come from my lips. In public.

"I'm just assuming that they won't be the same kind that I wear".

D looks at me in the way that you might look at a puppy who's just peed on your floor.

"I'll show you"

D turns on his heels and, meekly, I follow him past rows of garish tracksuits and detachable hairpieces. He stops next to a display where pieces of material in rainbow brights hang limply.

"You're going to make me buy a thong, aren't you?"

D doesn't respond. Instead he's rumaging through the strips of material until, triumphantly, he emerges with one in his hand.

"Here you go"

I look at the item he's holding out. It's red. Not the off-red of my new blouse or the gorgeous cherry red of my even newer Oasis dress. No. This red screams Blackpool Pleasure Beach at you. I'm not sure, however, if it's the colour or the fact that the front of the thong is practically non-existant that offends me most.

"It's horrid"

"You have to get it - it's perfect".

I turn it over and look at the price.

"You're wanting me to spend three pounds on this?"

Because whilst I am willing to have spent a quarter of yesterday's WYP Reception wage in the Slug and Lettuce at lunch time, I'm clearly not willing to spend three pounds on a thong. Especially when a good proportion of my real-life knickers come from Primark and therefore cost substantially less than three pounds.

D is, however, already rumaging through the thongs.

"How about this one?"

Again it's red. In its favour it does comprise of more material.

"That's better"

"The other one's perfect though"

"It's three pounds! Are you sure there isn't anything cheaper?"

With all the patience of a Primary School teacher attempting to explain the alphabet, D tries again.

"This will work"

At least this new thong isn't red. It's pink. And green. D turns it round to reveal that for no reason other than to offend me it has an frog sewn into it. Because that's what every girl wants - a frog peaking up under their jeans.

"It's two pounds"

I know I'm not going to win this argument. And if the choice is between the frog and the red monstrosity I know where I'm landing.

I pick up the frog thong.

"I'm going to want a photo"

I try and kill D with a glare. It doesn't work.

"This the last time I ever let you choose my underwear".

4 comments:

Nik said...

Well as long as it's not a diamante thong, because well, we all know what happens when you wear one of them and then pose on a sign...

cat said...

underwear shopping with your GBF - I'm sooooo jealous! I have a Union Jack thong, never worn - natch, that I am more than happy to give away to the cause! :D

val said...

I'm not sure what 'event' you're needing to buy this for (and I hesitate to ask) but I really, really hope it's not for the theatre on Friday! For a moment there, I thought you must have strayed into WYP costume department till I realised it must be a real shop!!

Nik said...

Ha ha, I know! Only because I actually read the whole of Coza's blog entries :P