Tuesday, May 23, 2006

"They've got jumping dolphins"

"They've got jumping dolphins!"

Even before multiple choruses of 'Hold on to our love', flag waving and Fox in a dubious blue suit I had a special place in my heart for Eurovision. If you're wondering the exact location of this special place it's next to musical theatre and the Steps back catalogue and under sparkly disco balls.

And years of watching shows with questionable hosts and even more questionable musical 'acts' there are some things that are necessary requirements of Eurovision nights. Predominantly some sort of extra-strong alcohol it must be said because there is a direct corrolation between how much you've drunk and how utterly hilarious the show is. Under normal circumstances a weird robot on stage - not very funny. In Eurovision and with a glass of wine - very funny indeed. The same goes for the whipping off of clothing, wind machines, fireworks, singing in a foreign language, bad clothing and breakdancing. And the more alcohol consumed the better this gets. In my case this also once led to my demonstrating my ability to do Irish dancing, which is no doubt in keeping with the spirit of Eurovision, if only for the fact that I lost all such skills of dancing around the age of ten.

This year - there were lots and lots of cliches for me to scream about. Gone were the big drums of last year and in were the white clothes and legs of 2006. Braces, ethnic dancers, uber wind machines and, sadly, not one classic Eurovision track amongst them. And it should be noted that what I might love for Eurovision has no relation to what I love in the real world (obviously excluding the Steps and Abba bit) so it's not that my standards are too high. But as we marked our way through the contest (marks for: song, performance, clothing and, crucially, Eurovision-ness) there was no stand out. Greece edged it by a couple of marks on my scoring over Sweden, Denmark and a number of other countries that did particularly badly in the actual voting.

There was, however, the highlight of the host. Notice I use that in the singular, as "amazing" woman - who seriously had no other adjective in her vocabulary - was anything but amazing. Sakis however. Made for Eurovision, what with the gold suit and the campness and being quite beautiful. And we do like the beautiful. Especially when it doesn't fasten its shirt properly. We had been hoping that - in a re-run of his Eurovision triumph (in my eyes) of 2004 - Sakis might be freed of some of his clothing. Sadly he wasn't. A tip for the future - I'll stop getting annoyed and bored by the voting if you bring Sakis on and whip off his top. Everyone would be happy.

And though I moaned - you know I'll be back next year. Because it's Eurovision. You can't fight it.

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