Saturday, January 28, 2006

Birthday Letters: A Night Out

Birthday Letters: A Night Out

Really it would have been rude to have a series of letters without including something from the person who has contributed to some of my favourite blogs (and certainly the most controversial...).

So with no further ado, I present Griffin's blog:

A Night Out

During the last year I've read DA with something of a wry smile. If that is 'wry' can be defined as a complicated mix of confusion, fear and general bemusement. And on more than one occasion I've been ready to write a letter in protest of the treatment of deck shoes. Just as my pen has been poised, however, I've remembered that not everyone can be as fashion forward as Castleton's Most Stylish Man (three years running) and for everyone who recognises the style in the shape of deck shoes and stripey tops, there's another who can't get past a pair of cowboy boots. And forgiving Yorkshire lad that I am I thought that I'd lay all that to one side, pick up my super-strength writing pen (stolen from an unsuspecting fan whilst they were battling with a manila extra-sticky envelope), kick off my deck shoes and pen a blog entry in honour of DA's birthday. Are you sitting comfortably? Have the boiled sweets reached the back (though I wouldn't eat the black ones if I were you, Squirrel and I used them to play an impromptu game of snakes and ladders last night)? Right then, I'll begin.

Being a man of many talents (though even I admit that the ability to quote Rigsby episodes at will is waning somewhat) there are few things I enjoy more than a pub quiz. Well, technically that's a lie, but me mam might read this so I'm sticking with the pub quiz. And I can often be found, conkers in hand, loudly proclaiming "she who must be obeyed", "Nebraska" and "A groovy kind of love". This week it was somewhat unfortunate that on account of a particularly fluffy hair day the bouncers outside the pub didn't recognise me and subjected me to something of a prolonged frisking, possibly on account of the size of me conkers. When I'd assured them that they were for luck and I had no intention of using them as weapons in the event of a tiebreak, they eventually let me in and it was with some relief that I settled down with a beer, pausing only to squabble with the Dancing Bear as to which of us got to hold the pencil. By the time I'd prised the pencil out of the Bear's paws (upending two tables and a packet of pork scratchings in the process) you could smell the tension in the air. Or at least I think it was tension, I'd decided to try a new aftershave so it might have been that.

Before I could ask whether anyone else had noticed the smell the first round was underway and I was sweating copiously whilst trying to remember how many times Wes Hall was named as Wisden Cricketer of the Year. The bear excelled himself with a question about Winnie The Pooh and I got to demonstrate my extensive knowledge of flux capacitors in the lyrics of Busted. With Squirrel chipping in for which book contained the line "You can't ravish a tin of sardines" and Waggo providing a tricky answer to the population of Turkey to the nearest million we were steaming ahead. Literally in the case of the Bear, who'd caught his fur on a low lying candle and had to be extinguished with the remnants of my third pint.

An hour and a half later and it was all down to the last question. I confess I'd been somewhat distracted by a nearby team of girls who had huge...shoes and my performance had suffered slightly. Through the haze of tension, aftershave and the odd combination of burnt fur and stella emanating from the bear, I heard the final question.

"Who was the 2004 British Entrant in Eurovision?"

The Bear, Waggo and Squirrel all turned to look at me.

Ah well, there's always next week.

Griffin, 28/01/05.

Alistair Griffin is a Graduate - and runner up - of music reality tv series that is neither Pop Idol nor X-Factor and, as such, not many people remember. He has had a top five single, a top twenty album and, more importantly, a second place position in the Lemon Curd category of the Castleton Show. When he's not demonstrating his prowess in the 'Faces Round' of his local pub quiz he spends his time promoting the word of Rigsby, playing golf and wearing stripey tops. Al is currently recording his second album and setting off fire alarms.

To see the full set of birthday letters go here.

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