Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Insert Quote From "Bring It On"

Insert Quote From "Bring It On"

If there's one thing that is bound to strike fear into my very heart it's been the j-o-b discussion. And you would never believe how many people want to talk about it. Or indeed how many people want to tell you scare stories about graduates getting a first and subsequently not being able to get a job. Because, when you're fresh out of Uni with a not-too shabby 2:1, these are, apparently, stories that you need to hear. Never mind that you would prefer to be stabbed repeatedly in the foot with a rusty nail. You must listen, it's your payback for having dared go to university.

But these conversations tend to have a cumulative effect. This is not to even mention one that I had back in July which left my mentally spinning for the rest of the summer. And their effect was PANIC. And if you multiply the panic by my not liking the uncertainty of my current job (or the fact that I can't always curtail my hours as I'd like) then square it by the confusion of an off-record chat about a future position at the construction company which would potentially mean that I'd have to stay here (albeit properly part time) for the next few years the answer is clear. Head explosion. But it meant that I got sucked into thinking that I have to get a 'proper job' that isn't glorified temping. Putting aside the WYP, which is a proper-ish job but will not keep me in shoes this year, never mind added stalking costs.

Given that I'm currently about as emotionally consistent as a squid, however, suddenly I'm rather happy with how things are. Firstly the end (of the first draft at least) of The Four Right Chords is in sight and I'm bubbly and happy about how it's turning out. It's still rough around the edges and possibly too honest but I'm rather coming to love it. Secondly I'm just about to embark on SSoB revisited having had five pages of notes from someone I knew at Oxford who wants to direct a rehearsed reading of it in London. Thirdly I've been asked to work on a piece of documentary theatre about Fathers 4 Justice which sounds madly interesting, if only for my getting to explore a genre of writing that I love (with the possibility of meeting the man who wrote 'Talking to Terrorists' thrown in). None of this is actually paying, and the second and third are part of the Oxford School Tie Network but it's all something of a reminder of why I'm doing the talking monkey thing to make money. It's also rather catalysed me to get some sort of performance on up here. After all I spent two years doing the nuts and bolts of shows, getting other people's writing on stage and I wouldn't think twice about doing it were I still in Oxford, so why not here?

As a final thing - and one which might throw my job situation into a new dimension come next year - I've decided to bite the bullet and apply for the creative writing Mst at Oxford. On the off-chance that I manage to get a place on it (and with only 12 places the odds are somewhat against me) I reckon I can get the fees together without resorting to theft or violence. And I know I'll only end up kicking myself (which is difficult to do) if I don't have a go.

Which leads me to conclude that even if I go the next twelve months without a solid day time job I'm not going to starve. Worst comes to worst, I start drinking tap water and develop some will power re: the stalking. And I don't have to let lack of stability scare me.

It's kind of liberating.

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