Sunday, March 13, 2005

An Ode To Blogging

An Ode To Blogging

Given that I'm officially obsessed with my blog I seem to find it perfectly normal and interesting to read people talking about blogging. Indeed it's thoroughly entertaining. And since I've been blogging here for a relatively short time, I'm always open to tips from wisened and not-necessarily wrinkled elders. So today I read 'How to Blog' by Tony Pierce, and I felt I should see how far I'm meeting Tony's directions. Obviously I'm not pasting them in full, you'll have to go read the article itself for that [it's very useful if you're blogging, or even if you're not it's rather amusing, even if it could do with an apostrophe or two hundred]. So, this is how Distant Aggravation stands up.

1. Write every day.
Well, I'm almost there on that one.

2. If you think you're a good writer write twice a day.
I seem to have managed to be a two-times a day girl recently. As for the good writer bit, I can't promise that. Will keep working on it.

3. Don't be afraid.
There are a number of things that I'm afraid of. Rats. Mice. Gigantic spiders. Climbing tall ladders. Mr Tickle. Rhetoric. Blogging certainly isn't on that list.

4. Cuss like a sailor.
Right, I think this may be where I'm falling down. Not that I've ever met a sailor but I'm imagining that they cuss more than I do. After all with all that being at sea they've got a lot to cuss about. Sea sickness to start with. But I don't cuss in real life that much. And if I were to cuss on here I'd put an asterisk in. I'm afraid that the word 'arse' is about as strong as you're getting here.

5.Don't tell people you know.
Well, I've failed on this one already. Whoops. But, conversely, in some ways it's safer to be upfront - people find out anyway. My ex-biology teacher found my old blog and subsequently confessed to printing out a bit of it and passing it round other teachers. At the time I was mildly horrified, possibly more so that he thought my writing was "sub-standard Bridget Jones", but subsequently it doesn't bother me. And it gave me enough bile to write an entry.

6.Have comments.
Yep, they're there now, all present and correct. That would be a hint.

7. Have an email address displayed.
Clearly needs to be on my to-do list.

8. Don't worry about design.
Good job, Marilyn's dress aside, that I don't.

9. Use blogger.
I do now!

10. Use spellcheck.
So I'm slightly lazy about this one. Love me, love my spelling mistakes.

11. Say exactly what you want to say.
Well at this moment I want to say that my left ear is on fire having been on the phone for the last hour twenty minutes where, amongst other things, Nik and I discussed naked Colin Murray. See, there are some things you don't need to know.

12. Link like crazy.
Well I don't think I'm linking like crazy yet. More like linking like a public school boy who has loosened his tie slightly.

13. Write about sex, religion or politics once a week.
Ok, I'll pencil in my Ann Summers story and my thoughts on whether Moses did move a mountain or whether it was just PR for the coming weeks.

14. No-one needs to know which member of N*Sync you are.
That is very, very true [and indeed why would anyone do that question, they were the only boyband in history to all require paper bags]. I'll keep the results of which rock chick I am to myself.

15. Don't be afraid of saying what's been said before.
I'm someone who wants to be a playwright. I study English. Everything has been said before and I knowingly steal it and use it for my own ends. I've no morals about that. Indeed look at me now using this blogging guide for an entry. Shameless.

16. Get a site meter.
Right. To enable visitors to point and laugh at my popularity or lack thereof .

17. Use pictures.
Well this week I've given you drunken me and a nice Griffin shot. I can see why this may not be covering all my bases. Maybe I need to expand my photobucket.

18. Copy your masterpiece before clicking that button.
Yep, I wish I'd learnt this about a week ago before I lost not just one but two entries. And yes, I did it twice before I thought that it might be an idea to cut and paste. I may be at Oxford but I don't do the literal thinking lark.

19. Push the envelope.
As opposed to pulling the envelope? Closing the envelope? Sticking a stamp on? Don't worry, I'll keep pushing that envelope.

20. Change your style.
I've rather too many writing idenities without changing my style on here too. But, for everyone's future reference, I do a great '27-year-old-male-singer-from-North-Yorkshire' persona. Really. It's a talent. Not one that's going to get me very far, but a talent nonetheless.

21. Write open letters/do lists etc.
Now I love that idea. Dear Pretty Jude Law...

22. Review.
Another cracking idea. Of course you won't all think that when you've had my two-hundredth review of peasant skirts.

23. Write about the town you live in.
Ok - Oxford, got lots of cobble stones, old buildings and a really cool bookshop. And Harry Potter is filmed here. See, a thousand years worth of academic history but nothing competes with the boy Potter.

24. Tell your secrets.
Erm, I ate four penguin chocolate bars today.

25. Don't use your real name.

26. Be an asswipe.
I'm not sure that I want to be an asswipe on any level. Not even if it meant that I'd have the best blog in the world. If it meant that I'd have a Sienna Boho-Princess style wardrobe then I might be willing to make the sacrifice. But I'm not selling my integrity for anything less than the entire Matthew Williamson collection.

27. Nobody likes poems.
Please could you tell that to my tutors.

28. Tell us about your friends
Are you sure? If you're reading this you're probably one of my friends anyway, in which case you know they're an odd bunch [not you of course, you're perfectly normal. It's the others I'm talking about]

29. Don't apologise for not blogging.
Say pardon instead.

30. Read lots of blogs and leave comments.
'Tis the future. And indeed why I'll probably get a third.


Rhys said...

"Yep, they're there now, all present and correct. That would be a hint."

Bah, okay then. Have a comment.

BTW, I've read that article about 3-4 times, and I've now decided that it isn't some form of american sarcasm. It is genuine.

Nice blog, surfed by via Blogexplosion :)

Penny Broadhurst said...

Even if you don't tell people you know, they will find it. Unless you're on LJ like my other blog and it's all friends-only, but then one gets lazy and adds all one's real-life friends to the friends list as well and so...

Sorry. I see a clicky link for a blog, I take it. Most of them are, admittedly, awash with memes and AOL-speak, but hey.

PS I'm on every arts and writing-related mailing list etc ever, if you ever run out of clicky links and professional...stuff.

honestyrain said...

well i enjoyed that plenty. well done. now get to following those rules, you. fame is right round the corner!

Val said...

I think you'll find it was Mohammed and the mountain lol - not that I've sung that song too much at all

Nik said...

Corinne, I think I love you - here I was thinking I was being bad by eating 3 penguin bars in a day, and you've eaten 4. The world is right again.

P.S - I think it was PR, but you'll have to ask Jamesy.
P.P.S - Discussing naked Colin Murry is a worthwhile use of both mine and your time.