Wednesday, March 09, 2005

But Most Of All...

But Most Of All...

I'm sitting in a distinctly cold computer room*, writing about the ending of Closer and the importance of its setting for Marber's themes**, listening to a Griffin gig which he did last August. And possibly because of writing about Closer this afternoon, a play which I find incredibly moving, something about 'I've Lived'*** seems to have bled into me.

For a long time I didn't think that 'I've Lived' was anything particularly special; it didn't click because it is the one song of Griffin's that is written in a different persona to the usual, identifibly 'Griffin voice'. It struck me as being nicely worded but fake. Whilst I may bop my head to fake writing, I'll never love it. And then one night last April, sitting on my bathroom floor, listening to Griffin's gig at the Bedford down my mobile, it clicked. Somehow it was no longer fake, his voice made it true. It wasn't about what I'd always taken the song to be about. Instead it was about something at once much smaller and at once much bigger. Its heart lay not in its origins but in the line "I gave it all to I had to give". And as I realised that I loved the song. And it wasn't because anything had changed, it was simply that Griffin's voice had, in that performance, transformed it, made it look different in a different light. And I saw a new picture.

And today, in equally unusual surroundings, listening to the song I got the same feeling. The feeling that pushes into you and refuses to let go. The feeling that at his best means that Griffin literally makes you hold your breath as every part of your being is pummelled by his voice. That makes you stomach tilt. Today it happened again.
*Something which concerns the word 'firewall' has occurred which means that none of the student accomodation here currently has internet access. And because 'internet treats' are an integral part of my essay writing plan, I've had to come and work where I can get internet access. Yes, I realise that raises a number of issues, but we'll put them to one side for now.

**I've been typing so much recently that my arms are beginning to hurt from having been in the typing position for far too long. I wonder if there's a suitably swanky name for that.

***If you're one of the non-Griffined readers I'd suggest you go here and download 'I've Lived'. Then close your eyes and listen.

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